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Life Advice |
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This Life Advice section about Your
Child's First Day At School was produced by
the MetLife Consumer
Education Center with assistance from the
Society for Research in Child
Development and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services
Administration.
The first day of school can be both an exciting and stressful occasion for children and parents alike. Exciting because it's a milestone, stressful because it means separation. In most families, it causes butterflies and even some tears. Preparation - yours and your child's - can smooth the transition, however. Whether your child is starting day care, nursery school or kindergarten, there are many simple things you can do to help prepare him or her for this new adventure.
That bond you've forged with your child is priceless. But it's also complex, and breaking it -- even for a few hours -- can be a traumatic experience, particularly for a toddler. Experts say that until the age of three, children are usually unable to retain a mental picture or understand the concept of time. When your child can't see you, he or she might assume you're gone forever. Even a slightly older child may experience fear in your absence.
Start early to help your child adjust to your occasional absences. If you are a working parent you may have already faced this issue. Play a recording of your voice to help your infant relax when you step out of the room.
Gradually increase the number and length of visits with relatives, friends and other caregivers to improve your child's comfort level with those outside your immediate family. Later, arrange play visits in your home and in other people's homes to help your child improve social and play skills.
School is just one of many new situations your child will have to face in life. But because small children don't come equipped with adult-size coping skills, it's up to you to help your child see change as a challenge.
Be sure to concentrate on all aspects of development-emotional, social, physical and intellectual. Pay particular attention to the following list of good parenting skills:
* Provide a safe and healthy home environment.
* Make sure your child eats a balanced diet and gets enough physical activity.
* Take advantage of your child's natural curiosity to explore new situations and learn new concepts.
* Praise your child and use positive reinforcement.
* Show your child affection and concern.
* Foster your child's self-worth.
* Coach your child on how to participate, cooperate and communicate.
* Demonstrate how to express kindness and appreciation.
* Teach your child to smile, make eye contact and listen to others.
* Spend time regularly with your child.
*Give your child some freedom, but provide security and support.
* Allow your child to be a child.
* Say what you mean, mean what you say and follow through on your word.
First, ask yourself how you're feeling about this milestone in your child's life. If you're experiencing fear and anxiety, try not to communicate this uneasiness to your child. If you've done your homework, the new school will be a good fit for your child. Attend meetings and activities at the school or set up brief meetings with the principal and teachers. Ask to sit in on classroom sessions to observe not only what the children are learning but whether they seem to enjoy learning. Gradually you'll begin to feel better about entrusting your child to the care of others. And once you believe school is going to be an exciting experience, there's a good chance your child will feel the same way.
Just because your child knows colors, shapes or letters doesn't necessarily mean he or she is ready for school. Although there is no one quality or skill a youngster needs, ask yourself the following questions to get an idea of whether your child is ready for this major step:
*Does your child exhibit confidence? Independent children are able to separate from parents for a period of time and can do some things for themselves.
*Is your child curious? Curiosity is demonstrated when your child asks questions and seems interested in new experiences outside the home.
*Does your child have age-appropriate verbal skills? Your child should be able to communicate with adults and other children.
*Does your child demonstrate social skills? He or she should show a beginning ability to share, take turns, participate in a group, tolerate frustration and express negative feelings appropriately.
*Does your child have a lengthening attention span? Children need to be able to focus and sustain an activity briefly.
*Does your child possess play skills? He or she should be able to use play materials both with and without direction.
*Does your child exhibit age-appropriate physical development? For example, children should be able to feed themselves, use the toilet and go up and down stairs.
*Visit the school with your child ahead of time.
* Plan a relaxing day or two before school starts. Don't rush back from a family vacation or other stimulating experience.
Finally, in deciding if your child is ready for school, consider the timing. Have you recently moved, had a new baby or experienced a family crisis? Has your child been sick? If so, now may not be the best time to start an optional program such as nursery school.
The decision has been made, and your child has been enrolled in preschool or kindergarten. There are a number of things you can do to help prepare your child for that first-day milestone:
* Tell your child in advance that he or she soon will be going to school.
* Be positive and reassure your child that school is a good place.
* Never use school as a threat or a means to change your child's behavior.
* Prepare for new school experiences by using puppets or by role-playing some enjoyable school activities.
* Read age-appropriate books about going to school to help your child know what to expect. Or work with your child to make a storybook about going to school.
* Prepare the night before by planning meals, clothes and transportation.
* Consider riding the bus with your child the first day.Check with your child's school to be sure this is allowed, and don't go along if your child seems embarrassed.
* Let your child bring a security object to school, like a stuffed toy, or give your child your photo to keep.
Don't be too concerned if, in spite of your best efforts, your child cries and refuses to leave your side the first day of school while another youngster dismisses his or her parent with a wave of the lunch box. Clinging and crying are healthy coping mechanisms in very young children, so try not to overreact. Most concerned teachers will allow you to stay in the classroom for awhile. Gradually lessen the amount of time you stay, but don't sneak out when you leave; it may make your child feel abandoned and unloved.
Your job doesn't end once that first school bell chimes. Learning is a lifelong process, and there are many ways you can help your child succeed, both in and out of school.
* Teach your child that learning is not confined to school and that every new experience broadens life.
* Always be positive. Don't set your child up for negative attitudes by saying how much you hated school or a particular subject. If there are older siblings, talk to them about conveying a positive attitude about school to their younger brother or sister.
* Read to your child.
* Set a good example yourself by reading more than you watch television.
* Show your child how books, magazines, newspapers, computers and other learning tools help you in your daily life.
* Ask your child's opinions.
* Encourage family discussions and critical thinking.
* Attend meetings and school activities.
* Visit the library routinely. Also schedule trips to museums, galleries, science centers, zoos, etc.
* Ask questions about school and pay attention to the answers - verbal and nonverbal.
Remember, not all children will enter school with complete comfort. Starting school is one of the earliest and most challenging goodbyes between a child and parent. But successfully mastering this new challenge can increase a child's feeling of self-confidence and security. It can also strengthen a child's emotional health, which is as important as physical health.
52 Ways to Help Your Child Do Better in School
Jan Dargatz,
Thomas Nelson Publishers $7.99
Smart Parenting: An Easy Approach to Raising Happy, Well-Adjusted
Kids
Dr. Peter Favaro, Contemporary Books $14.95
When You Go to Kindergarten
James Howe and Betsy Imershein,
Mulberry Books $5.95
A photo-illustrated book for children.
My First Day of School
P. K. Hallinan, Ideals Children's
Book $4.95
An illustrated book for children.
There are many additional books on parenting skills available. Your local librarian can help you find other books.
The quarterly Consumer Information Center Catalog lists more than 200 helpful federal publications. For your free copy write Consumer Information Catalog, Pueblo, CO 81009, call 719-948-4000 or find the catalog on the Net http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov/.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Mental Health Services Caring for Every Child's Mental Health: Communities Together campaign has free information and publications about children's mental health. Contact http://www.mentalhealth.org or call 1-800-789-2647.
If you're on the Net, check us out. We're part of MetLife Online (http://www.lifeadvice.com).
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